Amor d' Thanatus

Courting Death

Loving you is illegal.

For you steal my breath away

Make me lie even to myself

Crush my ideals in a snap

Inspite of which, I couldn’t stop!

Loving you is unhealthy.

You turn my knees to jelly

Crush my dispositions to mush

Fill my dreams with creamfilled longings

When can I stop such sinful cravings?

Loving you is lethal.

You pierce my conscience like nobody can

Twist a knife deep in my emotions

Puts a bullet through my foolproof confidence

Til everything just don’t make sense.

Loving you is illogical.

You drive me to my wit’s end

Laugh crazily at your bad jokes

Makes me mindless with useless worry

You are a menace to my sanity.

Loving you is illegal

Unhealthy and lethal

Detrimental, illogical

Yet I’ve never felt more alive

Than when I started loving you.

3/13/2005 hcec

Crumbling Fortitude

\Fortitude-a-la-crumble

My head’s pounding

I can’t think straight;

My mind slumbers

Though wide awake.

Heart’s beating erratically

An unpleasant tattoo--

Flinching with pain and grief

Each time I think of you!

It hurts my eye

Yet the sting I could bear--

Than never look at you

It fills me with despair!

You cast a shadow

On my gloomy world--

But shadows I could endure

Than never see you at all.

When will you see me

The same way I do?

When will you glance my way

And feel the same way, too?

I know it’s foolishness

To hope and wish like this--

But bear it , I have to

Until these feelings cease.

Help me to realize

That we just could not fit;

Some things simply just

Just couldn’t, wouldn’t meet!

Keeping reins on what I feel

Gets harder everyday---

You might have noticed such

Though I keep them at bay.

Well, it’s simple enough:

I fell for you, that’s all---

No matter how I suppress it

I just can’t thwart the fall!

Like now, I’m missing you

So much that I could die;

Oh, when can I marshall

Enough courage to say goodbye?

Loving you isn’t wise

Or even remotely right;

But why do I keep on wishing

You’d be here by my side?

My once sensible heart

Has just shattered into bits

When will this agony end…

Oh, Lord, do help me, Please.

-On Cue 2/8/07 Buhi

Cracks

Cracks!

We are all broken pieces---

fragments of a dream:

the scattered waves and ripples

of once- a steady stream.

We are but remnants of---

An unfinished symphony:

Discordant but still echoes

A haunting melody.

We are the falling leaves—

That never touched the ground:

Precariously hanging on a twig

Til the next gale blows it down.

We are the charred remain—

Of wishes burnt to ashes

Swept away by the breeze

To a deep yawning abyss.

We are the fragile strand—

Of pearly beads of hope:

Unwittingly snaps into shards

When in life, we couldn’t cope.

We are but who we are—

Fragile , but still alive:

Wondrin when the next lightning strikes

Will we then still survive?

Axis

axis

My mind might be occupied

With urgent matters---

My thoughts might be niggled

By pressing events—

My reverie might be crowded

By current dilemmas—

But amidst all that…

Your face stays.

At the back of my head---

Haunting me.

Reaching out.

Pushing through the barbed wire

I erected

Boring through---

My steel defenses.

Until I’m almost , almost,

Weak with longing.

How I miss you!

Just your presence--

Would fill my day

Would deem each moment complete.

Just your look

Would melt my knees

As butter would…

Even if it’s

Filled with derision.

Your voice

Caresses my spine

As thistles would.

I could never get enough of it

I could never get enough of you…

How can I then--

GET OVER YOU?

-On Cue 1/29/07 Ligao City

Adieu

Adieu?

Is it a farewell token?

I wish it wouldn’t be—

Is it some sort of penance…

Or an apology?

I don’t know what to think

What ever can I do---

But I know, I’m relieved

To receive something from you---

Putting ideas into such

Simply courts disaster

I wish I knew what’s on your mind

That meaning would come clear.

I’ve lost count in wondering

If we’re ok

Or not at all---

I miss our laughters…

I miss our banters…

And I miss YOU , most of all.

-On Cue 12/9/06